


Killer

by kulina



Category: Kingdom (TV 2014)
Genre: Incest, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Sibling Incest, serial killer au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-10-20 14:49:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10664910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kulina/pseuds/kulina
Summary: Jay was thirteen the first time Nate killed. He tried to forget about it, but there always seemed to be a next time.





	1. Chapter 1

Jay was thirteen the first time Nate killed. 

It was bedtime, and Dad wasn’t home. He would have been at the gym, or a fight, or maybe the bar. It didn't matter. Jay was in charge, but he couldn’t find Nate anywhere in the house. The youngest Kulina was only six years old, so naturally, Jay was more than a little worried. 

He let the screen door bang on its hinges as he jogged down the driveway and a ways down the street. His shadow stretched long under the streetlamps' glow. 

There was an initial surge of relief when Jay’s eyes landed on his brother, but the relief was quickly replaced with horror. “Nate, back up,” Jay commanded sharply, his voice cutting into the quiet night. 

Nate’s eyes snapped up to Jay. He obeyed, taking a smooth step away from the messy heap on the ground.

At first glance, Nate looked angry, but a closer look told Jay that Nate was trembling.

“Wh-what happened?” Jay asked. He loved that damn cat.

Tiger was gray, and he belonged to the next door neighbors. They'd had him for as long as Jay could remember. But now, with the way it was lying on the ground, the way its blood was trickling down the pavement… that couldn’t have been natural. 

Nate bowed his head and walked slowly toward Jay, stepping with care around the cat. Jay expected him to stop a few feet back like normal and wait to silently for Jay to turn around and head home, but that wasn’t what happened. Nate kept moving forward. 

Jay stood his ground, watching his brother worriedly. “Nate, did-” 

Nate bumped into Jay’s chest with his temple first and then his entire body. Jay clutched him tightly. 

Nate gave a light, involuntary shudder, which freaked Jay the fuck out. “What the fuck happened, man?” he asked, pulling back a little to get a look at Nate’s little face. “Did you see it?”

Nate didn’t answer. He grabbed Jay hard around the middle and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Okay,” Jay whispered. “I’m here now, Nate. It’s okay.” 

When they got home and Nate brushed his teeth, Jay leaned back against the counter supervising him. Nate’s expressionless eyes were calmly trained on the reflection of Jay’s back for so long that Jay glanced over his shoulder to see into the mirror as well.

He just barely stopped his mouth from dropping open. 

There were two dark, bloody handprints on the fabric of his shirt, right where Nate’s hands had been.


	2. Chapter 2

By the time Nate was ten, dead animals were a frequent sight on the Kulina property. Never inside the house, but every week or two, at least one could be found in the yard. And anything was fair game; birds, chipmunks, lizards... but cats still seemed to be his favorite. 

Nate was always careful never to let anyone see him do the killing, and Alvey never seemed to pay enough attention to pick up on anything, but it wasn’t hard for Jay to put two and two together, especially since there was always blood on Nate’s laundry.

For a while, Jay wondered why Nate always left the carcasses in the same areas, but that didn’t take him long to figure out either. Nate was leaving his victims where he could see them from his bedroom window. He liked watching them get picked apart by the animals that were still alive. 

Something about all of that bothered Jay deep in the pit of his stomach. He could never get used to it. He had nightmares where he had turned into a bird, and Nate would chase him around and snatch him out of the sky. Just as Nate’s warm fingers closed tightly around his neck, his eyes would fly open. Often, he would jolt awake to find Nate asleep by his side.

For some reason, even despite his fear, that comforted him. Nate had always been attached to him even though he didn’t seem to care about anyone else. Jay hoped he’d always have a special bond with Nate. Maybe that meant Nate wouldn’t hurt him. 

Jay had seen the margins of Nate’s notebooks, which were chock full of violence. Drawings of Nate killing Dad, Nate killing animals, Nate drowning little kids in the swimming pool, Nate killing the fucking President… all it seemed Nate was capable of doing was thinking about murder. But when it came to Jay, Nate was different. Not kind, but gentle. More thoughtful. And not in that manipulative way that Jay was used to. 

Nate would do anything to please Alvey, to stay on his good side, but that was only to keep the peace in the house. He didn't love Alvey, and he didn't care that Alvey didn't seem to love him. But with Jay, there was something special. There was an _honesty_. Nate didn’t have to pretend to feel things when he was with Jay. Jay would accept him and care about him and take care of him and love him no matter what. And Nate knew that in his soul.

 

* * *

 

On the day Jay turned eighteen, he treated himself to a new, more expensive strain of pot. Dad had been long gone, and so had the sun. Nate was lying in bed with Jay as Jay smoked.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Jay asked, turning his head on the pillow toward his little brother.

Nate nodded. 

“Why do you kill stuff?”

Jay was almost expecting Nate’s eyes to widen, but they didn’t. They never did. 

(Some research at the library when Nate had started middle school kept resulting in the word ‘psychopath.’ Jay hadn’t wanted to believe it, but it was the only thing that made sense. As time went by, he slowly accepted it, but he never brought it up to Nate. Nate knew that he was different from other people, and that had always seemed like enough of an explanation for him.)

Nate shrugged. 

"Did you know I knew?" Jay inquired.

"Figured," he murmured. "Dad doesn't, but I was pretty sure you'd worked it out."

Jay nodded hesitantly. "I feel like I've known a long time."

Nate pulled his lips into an emotionless smile. "Been doing it since I was three."

“Fuck," he whispered.

Nate looked at him, his expression a perfect imitation of curiosity.

Jay shifted uncomfortably. "Anyway - well, I mean, there has to be a reason you do it. Does… like, does it make you happy?” 

Nate looked at Jay for a long time. So long that Jay wasn’t sure Nate was going to answer, but then Nate spoke.

“Not… happy. I don’t know what happy feels like.” 

Jay swallowed. “Oh.” 

There was another long silence. Jay took a drag.

“Calm.”

Jay blinked and blew the smoke out of his mouth. “What?”

“Not happy. It makes me calm. It’s like, all the noise in my head, it just stops. And I can breathe.” Nate glanced up at him. “You wanna try it with me sometime?”

“No,” Jay answered forcefully. 

“Okay,” Nate replied, unbothered. He went back to staring at the ceiling.

Jay swallowed and asked another question he’d been wanting to. “Can I…” He softly cleared his throat. “Would you let me watch you?”

“Okay."

Jay’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?”

“Sure," Nate shrugged. 

“I just wanna... understand, I guess.” 

“I don’t know if you will,” Nate admitted, but he didn’t seem to care about that. He was just as expressionless as ever.

Jay nodded in agreement. "Probably not. But I'll try."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not for the faint of heart  
> took me three tries to write this over the span of a week cause i kept getting so upset  
> the sound of pained screams is the worst sound in the world to me

The next day, the boys went out to the backyard. Nate didn’t seem to care at all that Jay was with him, watching his every move. He wandered quietly around the grass, watching... waiting... Jay was starting to think he'd give up when suddenly, he snatched a chipmunk just as it poked out of its hole. It squeaked frightfully in his fist. 

“This is Misty,” Nate said softly. 

“You name them?” Jay asked in disbelief.

“I watch them,” he explained, starting to walk away. “Naming them helps me keep track.” 

Jay jogged after him. “Where are you going?” 

Nate pointed at the corner of the house by the air conditioner. 

“Why?”

Nate didn’t answer. He set the chipmunk on the machine but was careful to keep it trapped in his grasp. He pressed down on one of its little feet, and its bone was crushed. The creature let out a desperate sound. It was almost like a scream.

Jay took a quick step back. His stomach was churning.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Nate told the animal, but then he mercilessly crushed another one of its feet. It screamed again. 

Jay’s eyes welled up with hot tears. He could see the chipmunk's tiny, immobile back leg sticking out at a terrible angle. Every instinct Jay had was telling him to get away from Nate for his own safety, but he couldn’t pull his gaze away from his brother. Nate looked like he was… well, he looked like he could actually feel something. For once, he looked alive. Jay hadn’t realized how bored and absent Nate usually looked until he saw him like this. It was like he lit up.

Jay swallowed thickly and forced himself to creep forward. This was the only thing that Nate cared about, so Jay would try to care about it too, as fucked up as it was. He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and blinked the tears away. He listened to the chipmunk’s cries of distress. He watched his little brother’s eyes sparkle.

“I’m going to kill her now,” Nate murmured after a few more moments of listening to the animal squeak in pain.

“Okay,” Jay whispered back. He was glad. Death would be a sweet release for the poor, unlucky creature. 

Nate held Misty in his hand and placed his thumb and forefinger each on one side of her head. “You’re going to die now,” Nate said to her. And then promptly, he snapped her neck. 

Jay let out a muffled sob. 

The glow was still in Nate’s eyes when he turned to see his brother. “You understand now, right?” he asked.

Jay shook his head. “No. No, but… I love you. I’m fucking scared, and I fucking _hated_ that, but I love you.” 

That must have been enough for Nate, because he nodded. “Do you want to hold her?”

Jay shook his head again. He took a rapid step back in case Nate thrust the carcass in his direction, but he didn’t. He just took the chipmunk to the spot where all his victims stayed. Then he gave Jay a hug around the middle.

Jay hugged him back and held him tightly. He kissed Nate's temple. God, this kid was so fucked up... and here Jay was, indulging him. This was so wrong, but Nate came first in Jay's heart. He always came first.

After a moment, Nate let go of Jay and went back into the house like nothing had happened. Jay remained in the backyard to stare at the limp chipmunk. _It makes him feel something_ , Jay reminded himself. He thought about what he would do if he never had any emotion and then found something that could make him feel.

He would probably do exactly the same thing. 

Jay swallowed and followed Nate inside.


	4. Chapter 4

By the time Nate was in middle school, he’d graduated from preying upon small rodents to killing stray dogs. He and Jay had moved out of Alvey’s house and into an apartment, which was freeing for Jay and less than desirable for Nate. Yes, it was good not having to waste energy on faking it all the time, and it was great having Jay all to himself, but it sucked not being able to leave his dead bodies around where he could look at them. He missed watching them decompose.

High school found him skinning his victims, sometimes while they were still alive. He was getting more into the torture element than he previously had been. He wasn’t quite a sadist, but like with drugs and pornography, he was developing a tolerance. A few shrieks and snapped bones didn’t soothe him like it used to. He needed more. 

He also began sleeping with anyone he could. Boys, girls, both at the same time… it didn’t matter. Since he wasn't afraid of punishment, he wasn’t scared of getting caught, and he had no worries about catching feelings. He’d started to grow a bit of a reputation as a player, but it didn’t affect him in any way. He’d still come home and lie next to his brother. And Jay let him. 

One day while they were lying there, both smoking, Jay noticed something on Nate’s forearm. He grabbed at it. “The hell is that?” he demanded. 

“Cigarette burn,” Nate muttered. 

Jay quickly sat up. “Who did that to you?” 

“No one.” 

“Nate-”

“Nobody. _I_ did it.”

“What?” Jay asked incredulously. “Why?”

Nate shrugged. “Just wanted to see what it would feel like.”

Jay huffed and fell back onto his pillow. “That's fucking idiotic," he spat, "hurting yourself like that." He snorted. "What, are you gonna fucking start cutting yourself, too?”

“No. I tried that a while ago. I didn’t like it.” 

Jay blinked. “Why not?” he asked curiously. It wasn’t like his questions ever bothered Nate. And it wasn’t like telling Nate not to do this shit would stop him. It would just make him hide it. And that would be worse. 

“I just didn’t. I don’t fucking know.” 

“Did it hurt?” 

“Yeah. A lot. But it wasn’t what I thought it was gonna be.”

“Hm.”

"Why do you care, anyway?" Nate challenged.

Jay's reply came as easily as breathing. "Cause I love you."


	5. Chapter 5

Jay would never forget the day Nate came home with a smile on his face. _A smile._  It was the day that changed everything in a million ways.

“Hey,” Nate said breathlessly. He came forward and kissed Jay square on the lips. 

Jay blinked, stumbling back a step, and his fingers flew up to cover his mouth. What the fuck was that?! His little brother just _kissed him!_  

Nate just grinned wider. 

“What the fuck’s gotten into you?” 

Nate shrugged happily and stripped off his bloodsoaked shirt.

Jay peered carefully at Nate's expression and asked, “Are you doing this for my benefit, or is this real?” 

“Just a good day is all,” Nate dismissed.

“Wh- well, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

Nate turned to him with a glint in his eyes. “I killed a _person_ today.” 

Jay immediately went pale. “Nate… tell me you’re fucking joking. Please tell me you’re fucking joking.”

“Nope,” he replied, popping his lips on the P. 

“Nate.”

“I was getting off the bus, and there was this homeless guy. I’ve seen him before… he’s always alone. Went right up behind him and snapped his neck.” 

“Nate!” Jay cried. 

“He didn’t even know I was there,” Nate continued, his mouth still contorted in a grin. “Didn’t even know I was fucking there, and I just – I just went up and fucking killed him.”

“That is so fucked up, Nate,” Jay whispered, tears flooding his eyes. “Nate, that is so fucking fucked up, do you understand me?” 

Nate blinked. “Why are you crying?”

“Because I’m – I’m… I don’t know. I’m really upset. And angry. And I’m fucking scared, okay? I’m…”

“You’re scared of me?”

“Yes.” Pause. “No.” Pause. “I don’t fucking know. Just – you’re scaring me.”

“You’ve never been scared of me before,” Nate said, his voice small. 

Jay snorted. “Yes, I fucking have.” 

“But you didn’t care about the-” 

“What, the animals?” 

Nate nodded. 

“Of course I fucking cared! I used to cry every time you disappeared with a dog. I knew exactly what you were doing. Fucking… torturing innocent animals, man, skinning them alive. They never did a goddamn thing to hurt you, and you just…" He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. "And it made you happy.” 

“I can’t help it,” Nate admitted. “It’s who I am.” 

“Yeah, well… just because I don’t say anything about it doesn’t mean I’m okay with it. But forget the animals – this is – Nate, killing a person is a fucking huge deal. You could go to fucking prison.” Jay stuttered as the realization hit him. “Y-you could go to… prison.” 

“I know.”

“You know?” Jay echoed in disbelief. And then he turned angry. “You _know?_ You fucking kill a guy. There’s a dead body in the fucking street and your life could be fucking _over_ and you _know_? Well, do you know this? _I fucking need you_.”

Nate blankly stared at him.

“I moved to this apartment because of you. I keep a job because of you. I fucking stay _clean_ – because of you. You’re the reason behind everything I fucking do,” Jay growled. “You scare the shit out of me, and you piss me off, and you make me feel so alone. But I love you, and I don’t know what the fuck I’d do if I didn’t have you. You don’t get to go off to prison and leave me. You don’t get to fucking do that, Nate. You’re my little brother, okay? I need you.” 

“What are you saying,” Nate murmured. It was more a flat statement than it was a question. 

“I mean…” Jay ruffled his own hair. “I love that we sleep in the same bed every night. And I love that you tell me about your day and your dreams, and that you make coffee better than anyone else even though all you have to do is put the little beans in the thing… You’re the most important thing in my life. I don't want you to kill anybody else because I don’t want to think about what would happen if you went to prison. Or if anything happened to you.” 

Nate’s voice was quiet. “Why?” 

“Because, Nate,” Jay sighed, clearly not wanting to answer the question. He averted his eyes.

“Because why?” 

Jay swallowed. “Because you’re the only goddamn thing keeping me alive.”


	6. Chapter 6

Everything was fine until two days later, when Nate’s victim showed up on the evening news. _Not a natural death,_ the anchor reported. _Violent murder. Authorities are looking for this man._   And there was fuzzy security camera footage of a man in a dark hoodie running after the homeless man. He grabbed him… and the camera froze just before Jay assumed he snapped his neck.

Nate looked like a monster. A real monster.

Jay immediately called him to the TV. It was unnerving, the way Nate calmly wandered out of the room he and Jay shared and over to the couch despite Jay's urgent tone.

“Nate,” Jay breathed after Nate had seem the footage.

“It’s fine,” Nate shrugged, popping a chip into his mouth and crunching on it. “No one will know it’s me.” 

“ _I_ know it’s you.” 

Nate turned cooly to his brother and stared at him.

Jay swallowed uncomfortably.

Nate finally asked, “Is that a fucking threat?” 

“No! No, just… I knew it was you.”

“But if I hadn’t told you-”

Jay sighed. “No, I wouldn’t have known,” he admitted dully. 

“There.” 

“But what if they find evidence?”

“What, like fucking CSI?” Nate asked with a little laugh. “That shit isn’t real. No one’s gonna care enough about that guy to run the tests. 's too expensive."

“But what if you’re wrong?”

Nate looked at Jay almost condescendingly. “I’m not.” He ate another chip. 

Jay shifted. “Nate… I don’t want you to do this anymore.” 

The younger boy stared at his older brother for even longer than before. His gaze was as unreadable as it was unbreakable, and as Nate stared at him, Jay seemed to shrink. First, he grew nervous, and then he became truly afraid. He could hear his own pulse thumping in his ears. What the hell had he been thinking, making Nate angry like that? Or maybe not making him angry - betraying him. Nate would see that sentence as a betrayal. Jay was all Nate had in the world. And the way Nate was looking at him... Jay didn’t want to die. 

“Fuck you, Jay,” Nate finally murmured, and then he closed their bedroom door. Jay heard the unmistakable sound of the lock clicking into place. 

Jay let out a heavy breath and fell back into the couch cushions. The news was still playing on the TV, but Jay didn’t bother trying to use it to help calm himself down. He was too far gone. He’d thought… he’d sincerely thought that Nate might kill him. 

Fuck. 

He went out for a drive, and he came back with a pint of rocky road ice cream. When he let himself in, he was expecting to see Nate waiting for him on the couch like every other day, but Nate wasn’t anywhere to be seen. The lamp was on in the bedroom, though, so Jay grabbed two spoons from the kitchen drawer and headed toward it. 

The knob wouldn’t budge. Nate still hadn’t unlocked the door. 

“Nate?” Jay asked softly. 

No answer. 

“Hey, I brought ice cream.” 

Silence. 

Jay sighed and returned one of the spoons. He sat down, flipping through Netflix but not settling on anything. Just a few moments after he’d started a movie he didn’t really want to watch, Nate opened the bedroom door and went for the remote. Jay set his spoon in the melting ice cream as Nate paused the show. He dropped the remote back onto the couch and crossed his arms over his chest. “I thought you left me,” he muttered.

“No,” Jay said, sitting forward and setting the rocky road on the coffee table. “Nate, no.” 

“I thought you were done.” 

“I would never,” Jay insisted, shaking his head and standing up. "I just needed some time to calm down."

“You… you…” 

“I what?” Jay nervously inquired. 

Nate looked at his brother helplessly. “You _scared_ me.” 

Jay couldn’t help the sad smile that flitted across his face. He reached up and put a hand on Nate’s cheek, but before Jay could say anything else, Nate was leaning forward and grabbing him in a tight hug. 

“Nate?” Jay asked. 

“Don’t fucking leave like that again,” Nate whispered. 

Jay tried to remind himself that this wasn’t emotion – this was Nate’s plan being fucked up. This was Nate not being able to fully take care of himself. He needed Jay in order to stay warm and fed. This wasn’t love.

But it felt like it. 

It felt like it, and Jay wanted to believe it so badly… because Nate never faked it in front of him, and he’d almost made Nate _angry_ , and Nate would never be able to be angry and then pretend to turn it around into fear and love so quickly. This reaction was authentic - Jay was sure of it.

He wrapped his arms around his little brother and squeezed.  “I’m sorry,” he murmured into Nate's shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay, Nate. I’m home now. It’s gonna be okay.”

“You scared me,” Nate repeated, as though he were still trying out the words. 

“I know, Nate, and I’m so sorry.” 

Jay started to let go of Nate, but Nate held him tighter. “I love you,” Nate whispered. 

Jay told himself that what Nate was really saying was _I need you,_ but honestly, that was pretty much just as good. Nate needed him. Nate said he loved him. 

“I love you, too. So much. You don’t even know.”

“I’d die without you,” Nate confessed. 

“ _I’d_ die without _you_ ,” Jay echoed. 

Nate pulled back to look Jay straight in the eyes. “I know what you mean now,” he murmured. “I didn’t get it when you said it before, but now I do.” 

“I’m glad.” 

Nate took Jay’s hand and guided him to sit back down on the sofa. “Come here,” he instructed. 

Jay went easily into Nate’s embrace. They didn’t play the movie, but they did stay tangled up together. Jay tried not to feel anything when Nate started eating ice cream off of his spoon.


End file.
